Reaching the decision that it might be a time for a divorce might be one of the most difficult decisions you have to make. It will impact your future happiness as well as the wellbeing and happiness of your entire family.
If you have weighed the pros and cons of staying married versus getting divorced, talked with close friends about the idea, spoke to countless marriage and family therapists, sought out couples counseling, and read all the divorce books possible, you may find yourself at a crossroads.
While your intuition can be a helpful tool when it comes time to make this big decision, there are also telltale signs that confirm divorce may be the best option. Today, we go over these signs and what you should know about each of them.
4 Reasons It May Be Time to Move Forward with a Divorce
Lack of communication
There may be periods in your relationship where your communication could be better, which is normal. However, if you and your spouse cannot communicate without fighting, name calling, going weeks without speaking, or worse, that is not a good sign.
Another potential sign it may be time to get divorced is if your spouse is unwilling to speak with you about certain issues. For example, if you have an argument and your spouse will not let you share your feelings and refuses to work through the problem with you, this could mean that he/she has given up on the relationship and does not want to be involved in it anymore.
Values no longer align
While you and your spouse may have addressed values earlier on in the relationship, people can change over time. You, your spouse, or both of you may find that your values have changed in certain areas of your life such as finances, politics, religion, child rearing, beliefs, work-life balance, intimacy needs, and personal time.
Differences in values is not necessarily a deal breaker; however, an inability to communicate and understand the other spouse’s viewpoints and opinions can cause strain on the relationship. This is especially true if there is a lack of respect or a difference in values that contradicts the value system of the other partner.
Misaligned values can cause conflict in relationships, and, in extreme causes, may even lead to abusive behavior, such as withdrawing affection, manipulation, ignoring emotional or physical boundaries, and other disrespectful acts. If you see a pattern forming, it is time take a serious look at how these types of behaviors are affecting you. When values and boundaries are not respected, it can be difficult to build a strong foundation as a couple where you can grow together.
You have given it your all
If you feel you did everything in your power to save your marriage and you and your spouse just cannot seem to work out your differences, this is also a sign it may be time to file for divorce. Part of this equation is taking time to go to couples counseling and individual therapy. It is important to note that therapy takes time and patience. If you are dedicated to making the relationship work, you will need to commit to these therapy sessions and put in the work.
If you have committed the time to therapy, worked to change certain habits and behaviors to be more accommodating to your spouse, attended individual therapy sessions, and put in all the work both your therapists have asked of you and things still are not working out, it is understandable why you would want to file for a divorce. And there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes relationships do not work out and trying to make something work after giving it everything you have just is not fair to you.
You cannot see a future with your spouse anymore
Take some time to reflect on your marriage and ask yourself this question: Do I see a future with my spouse? It is okay to admit that you used to want a future with your spouse and do not want one anymore. This could be due to a variety of issues such as an infidelity you cannot overcome or consisted, heated arguments. If you feel you will lead a happier life without your spouse, it is time to listen to yourself and move on.
If you need assistance navigating a divorce, contact our office online or by calling (914) 873-4410 to schedule an initial consultation.