How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

Divorce is never expected. Even with divorce rates as high as 50% for first marriages in the United States, no one ever gets married expecting their relationship to fail. So, when that unexpected moment comes and you realize that you and your spouse were never meant to be in it for the long haul… how do you break the news that you want a divorce?

The lawyers here at Friedman & Friedman PLLC, Attorneys at Law are here with answers and support for those who are facing divorce and unsure of where to turn. Read below for tips on how to best prepare your spouse and tell them that you think it’s time to go your separate ways.

First Off: Do You Really Want a Divorce?

This may seem like a moot question, but the truth is that many people say they want a divorce without truly meaning it. Take a moment to be brutally honest with yourself and ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I upset or angry with my spouse right now?
• Is this a logical decision or an emotional one?
• Have I told my spouse how I feel about our marriage and have they heard me?
• Am I only hoping to scare my spouse or force them to change?
• Have I sought counsel from a trusted third party before making this decision, or am I acting entirely on my own?

Divorce is a big decision. Make sure that it is truly what you need before getting the ball rolling, or else someone–including you–could be unnecessarily hurt in the long run.

Does Your Spouse Know You Are Unhappy?

In many cases, it comes as no surprise to either spouse when one of them first says the words “I want a divorce.” But for some, the knowledge that their husband or wife wants a divorce can come as a complete shock.

Try not to blindside your spouse by asking for a divorce when they have no reason to suspect that you are no longer happy or fulfilled in your marriage. Start by letting them know that you don’t think your marriage is in a good place and then let the situation progress naturally from there. You might even find that you are able to turn your marriage around! But if not, then you will be able to move forward toward a divorce without the news being completely unexpected by the other person.

Tips on When, Where & How to Break the News

• Plan Ahead of Time – It is never a good idea to spontaneously say you want a divorce. Plan a somewhat exact place and time so that you have control of the situation and the circumstances.
• Stay Calm – You may be anxious and nervous when you broach the subject of a divorce, and understandably so, but make sure your emotions are controlled and that you are rational when you do.
• Give Yourself Enough Time to Talk – You will need to talk this over with your spouse, so make sure you bring the issue up at a time when you know you are both free from obligations and distractions for a long while. Maybe set up a time to talk on a Friday night or Saturday morning before a free weekend, so you have plenty of time to sort the situation out.
• Keep Your Kids Out of It – If you have children at home, do not bring them into the issue right away. Always seek to protect them emotionally. Talk to your spouse when the kids are away at grandma’s or a friend’s house. They will need to know eventually, but not when the subject of divorce is still fresh between you and the other parent.
• Get Counsel from a Professional – Talk to a marriage therapist, either as a couple or on your own. Many family counselors can help you prepare in advance for this exact issue by talking you through it, role-playing, and helping you find the best words for your unique situation.

Call Call Friedman & Friedman PLLC – (914) 873-4410

Friedman & Friedman PLLC, Attorneys at Law is a highly recognized and respected family law firm in White Plains, serving all of Westchester County. Attorney Andrea Friedman is an up-and-coming lawyer with quality experience with all types of divorce and family law matters. Her goal is to protect your interests and help you through every step of your divorce process as quickly and seamlessly as possible.